Review in Practice: That Th!nk That You Do, volume 2

I volunteered to be a first reader for author Joseph Carrabis for his upcoming nonfiction book on romance and relationships, That Th!nk That You Do, vol. 2. I reviewed the first book of this title and you can read that here: https://writingtoberead.com/2023/05/15/review-in-practice-that-thnk-you-do/. While that first book deals with human thought processes and behaviors in general, volume 2 deals with romance and relationships, and the differences between the sexes. His premises are based on solid research and contemporary studies, and may be pretty accurate, unless you are weird, like me.

How age affects perspective, and my reviews.

In the section titled “Romancing Real Women”, Carrabis offers us two different versions of a passage from a hypothetical romance story. The first is what I would call romance adventure, where the dashing hero saves the damsel in distress, with a big, muscular male playing the part of hero. The second offers up a loving, playful, sensitive male character, who puts his heroine up on a pedestal. Then he asks which you think will catch a woman’s attention, and goes on to explain why they are both very age demographic:

“the former is designed to attract younger women more so than older women. Mature women will appreciate the former but the latter fantasy will stay with them.”

This is not surprising, as I would have guessed that the first would appeal to the younger, more hormonal group of females. And of course, as an older woman, I can see why the second version would stay with more mature women, who value stability in their lives.

I’ve never been one to go in for sappy, feel-good writing, which many romances are, and why I read so few of them and why I don’t write them. I can’t make myself do it, although I know I could if I wanted to. I even have outlines and beginnings for a few stored away with my trunk novels.

But I’m not heartless and I am female, so I do read romance occasionally. But, I don’t think I’m looking for a hero. In fact, I don’t think I ever was. I’m not a fan of Scarlet O’hara being swept off her feet by Rhett Butler, but if an author can keep it realistic, I can make it through the story and often, enjoy it.

But here’s the thing. After reading this, I had to wonder if the same factors Carrabis shows us might not also affect the way that I review a romance, especially since neither of the examples used appealed to me in a big way. Upon first thought, I would have said that it’s always been that way for me, but I had to wonder if my romance reviews have changed over the years without my noticing. And I don’t think it has.

When I was a judge for the Western Writers of America’s Spur Awards, back in 2018, they gave me the western romance category. Although I cringed when they gave me my category, I found that for me, as long as a tale carries a good, strong, storyline to hold my interest, I can tolerate the romance, even if it is a little sappy. And to be honest, I was mostly through that hormonal stage before I started doing my blog and/or book reviews, so perhaps this line of thinking doesn’t prove or disprove anything, but it is an interesting premise to explore.

If you’re interested, you can catch my western romance reviews of Spur contenders here: https://writingtoberead.com/2020/03/30/judging-for-the-2020-w-w-a-spur-awards/

Meeting His/Her Family

Carrabis emphasizes how much you can learn about your partner from meeting his/her family. Interactions within the family can be indications of how your partner may prefer to communicate their needs and desires, as well as their attitudes toward others, giving you an idea of what type of life-partner they might be. And it does make sense.

Thinking back to when I met my second husband’s family, I think I should have run like hell. If I had, it would have saved a lot of greed later, because the dysfunctional traits and behavior never went away and came back repeatedly to bite me in the butt. But if I had, I also wouldn’t have spent most of my adult life with a man that I truly love, and frankly, I can’t imagine what life without him would have been like, so I’m glad that I didn’t.

Other Interesting Points Made

Another interesting claim Carrabis makes, is the importance of voice in relationships, from harmonic voices tending to form a closer bond, to holding on to the partner whose voice you enjoy hearing, and the benefits of a partner who sings. Also, I loved the chapter titled, “Men Get Stupid Over Sex”, which talks about the different types of risk which sex poses for men vs. women, and men’s willingness to risk more. I would guess that the risks may seem greater for men in recent times because, as Carrabis points out, only in recent times, have men been forced to take responsibility for their actions and their offspring

Summary

A life-long student of the human condition, Carrabis shares some astute insights into the human condition and differences between the sexes based on solid research and personal observations. He offers these up with a pinch of humor, making reading this book feel like chatting with an old friend. I was able to relate his premises to relationships in my own life, and in many cases, they were spot on, with interesting ideas on some different ways to approach the search for a soulmate.

Buy direct from the author: https://josephcarrabis.com/books/#TTYDv2