It’s day 1 of the WordCrafter Midnight Garden Book Blog Tour, and we’ve got a great tour scheduled with with guest posts and readings from contributing authors at every stop, and a fantastic giveaway, so stick with us.
Midnight Garden: Where Dark Tales Grow is the annual WordCrafter anthology, and book 2 of the Midnight dark fiction anthology series. This year’s winning story is “The Seagull Man”, by M.J. Mallon. Also featured are stories by contributing authors Paul Kane, Ell Rodman, DL Mullan, Joseph Carrabis, Roberta Eaton Cheadle, Paul Martz, Denise Aparo, Jon Shannon, Julie Jones, Abe Margel, Robb T. White, Molly Ertel, Zack Elafy, Danaeka Scrimshaw, Kaye Lynne Booth, and Alex Constance.
About Midnight Garden: Where Dark Tales Grow
17 authors bring you 21 magnificent dark tales. Stories of magic, monsters and mayhem. Tales of murder and madness which will make your skin crawl. These are the tales that explore your darkest Midnight Garden… if you dare.
Three lucky winners will receive a digital copy of Midnight Garden in a random drawing following the tour. All you have to do to enter is follow the tour and leave a comment at each stop that you visit.
If you miss a stop, you can go back and visit through the links in the schedule below. (Links won’t work until the stop goes live).
Schedule
Monday – October 7 – M.J. Mallon: Interview & Reading from “The Seagull Man” – Writing to be Read
Tuesday – October 8 – Danaeka Scrimshaw: Inspiration for “The Fae Game” & Denise Aparo: Reading from “Jack Moon & the Vanishing Book” – Roberta Writes
Wednesday – October 9 – Joseph Carrabis: Reading of “The Last Drop” & Inspiration for “Striders” – Paul Martz
Thursday – October 10 – Paul Martz: Reading & Inspiration for “The Blackest Ink” – Writing to be Read
Friday – October 11 – Molly Ertel: Inspiration Reading from “Antipenultimate” & Abe Margel: Inspiration for “My Balance” – Kyrosmagica
Saturday – October 12 – Paul Kane: Inspiration for “Drip Feed” & Joseph Carrabis: Reading of “Grande Ture” – Undawnted
Sunday – October 13 – DL Mullan: Reading from “Kurst” & Ell Rodman: Inspiration for “The Drummer” – BookPlaces
Monday – October 14 – Joseph Carrabis: Reading of “The Exchange” & Inspiration for “The Tomb”) – Writing to be Read
Today’s stop features an interview with the author of the winning story, M.J. Mallon, and an excerpt reading from “The Seagull Man”.
Interview
M.J.: Thank you so much Kaye for such wonderful questions and for featuring me.
Kaye: What inspired you to enter the WordCrafter 2024 Short Fiction Contest?
I enjoy being part of anthologies especially around Halloween time when I can flex my dark fiction tendencies. And the bonus of winning, which this time I did, is so inspiring!
Kaye: What inspired your story entry, “The Seagull Man”?
M.J.: Bird and people watching! I’ve witnessed four curious bird episodes, three with seagulls, either acting strange or amusing and one more recently with a large swan and pigeons being fed by a curious-looking man. Getting back to the seagull story that inspired me, I saw a man surrounded by seagulls who appeared to be dressed like them. They flocked around him, obsessively, camouflaging him, and then followed him when he drove off on his bike. He disappeared with them, as if he was one of them, dressed in seagull colours of white and grey.
Kaye: Where were you when you received the news that your story had been chosen as the winner?
M.J.: I was in Tavira, Portugal, enjoying the June sunshine. Imagine my delight to hear that I was the winner. An excuse for some celebratory wine, some vinho verde!
Kaye: You’re a YA author. In your opinion, what is the biggest difference between YA and adult fiction? Why do you choose to write for young adults?
M.J.: With YA fiction, you must have the right mindset, a youthful one. And be mindful of the audience you are writing for. So, I include mental health, etc, trigger warnings, (mild ones, albeit.) I am currently writing book three in the series and there is one creepy scene, (which I’ve had some concerns about. How far is it okay to go?) How much do I include for a younger readership? What is acceptable? Whereas, if you write for adults, there are fewer restrictions in that way. I write YA because I have a young mindset, and I like to keep as youthful in mind and body as I can.
Kaye: What is the biggest reward you get from your writing?
M.J.: The readership, when you get feedback that your writing means different things to different people. No one has the same opinion. And when someone truly gets your story and relates to what you are trying to portray that is the biggest reward.
Kaye: How does your love of crystals play a role in your writing?
M.J.: I collect crystals have done for years. My first was a malachite, which is a green crystal and a stone of transformation! Crystals are a crucial part of the Curse of Time series, Bloodstone and Golden Healer, and will also be in the third book, still to be named. Crystals are magical! The main protagonist, Amelina, learns about her magical ancestry and how to wield magic to protect her family and her friend Esme, the vulnerable mental health protagonist, the mirror girl, from harm.
Kaye: Books 1 & 2 of your Curse of Time series are Bloodstone and Golden Healer, respectively. Would you like to tell about this series?
M.J.: The story setting is Cambridge, England, where I used to live.
It is inspired by:
The Corpus Christi Chronophage clock on King’s parade and its three creatures: the grasshopper, the mythological midsummer fly, and the dragon, (invented by Dr. John C. Taylor, OBE who I had the pleasure of meeting!)
Juniper Artland’s sculptural park, crystal grotto, (crafted by artist Anya Gallaccio,) in Wilkieston, near Edinburgh, Scotland.
It is a light (crystal magic,) and dark tale of a girl’s transformation, her discovery of who she is, who she can trust and how to cure her father of a debilitating aging curse. As the series continues, the storyline of all the characters evolves. In this process, we learn more about the antagonist, Ryder, who is a dark demon, a shadow sorcerer, with a creepy panther. And book three has the extraordinary dragon clock timepiece! A dragon like one you have never met before!
Kaye: In addition to your novels, you’ve had stories published in several short fiction anthologies, including Nightmareland, in which I also have a story featured. (I didn’t realize that until I visited your author page on Amazon.) What is your preference: writing fiction in short or long form? Why?
M.J.: Yes, I began writing short fiction horror/dark fiction through the training ground of Nightmareland!
My preference… long form is so rewarding when I write that final chapter. I always feel such a sense of accomplishment. But it is so difficult in its production, because of its size, the sheer volume of the project. And a series is even harder.
Short form is easier to get to the nugget of the story. I love that about short form. Both are wonderful. I’m not sure which I prefer… I love them both, but for different reasons!
Kaye: If you could meet and talk with one literary figure, dead or alive, who would it be? Why?
M.J.: Ah, just one? Oscar Wilde, as I’d love to ask him about his portrayal of Dorian Grey, in the Picture of Dorian Gray. The antagonist, Ryder, in the Curse of time series was based on him. Dorian’s narcissistic vanity, his longing for beauty, for youth, his charm, and his excesses that is Ryder.
Reading from “The Seagull Man” by M.J. Mallon
Midnight Garden Book Trailer
Excerpt From “The Peddler”, by Alex Constance
Excerpt From “Fire Sale at the Burdock Family Business”, by Robb T. White
The exciting news is that The D.I.Y. Author is included in the 2024 Novel Writing Tools Bundle. You can get this great writer’s reference along with other great referencce books which should be in every author’s library for one really great price here: https://storybundle.com/writing. Here’s a guest post by bestselling author and currator, Kevin J. Anderson to tell you more.
THE 2024 NOVEL WRITING TOOLS BUNDLE
The 2024 Novel Writing Tools Bundle – Curated by Kevin J. Anderson This year’s Writing Tools StoryBundle, curated by bestselling author and publisher Kevin J. Anderson, is another treasure chest of vital handbooks covering aspects of the writer’s craft, business, and way of life. We have thirteen titles on a range of subjects, plus a 12-month subscription to Indie Author Magazine, your best source to stay up-to-date on the industry.
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This post is sponsored by The D.I.Y. Author and WordCrafter Press.
Being an author today is more than just writing the book. Authors in this digital age have more opportunities than ever before. Whether you pursue independent or traditional publishing models, or a combination of the two, being an author involves not only writing, but often, the publishing and marketing of the book.
In this writer’s reference guide, multi-genre author and independent publisher, Kaye Lynne Booth shares her knowledge and experiences and the tools, books, references and sites to help you learn the business of being an author.
Robbie Cheadle started the “Growing Bookworms” blog series back in 2019. It was the first series that she brought to Writing to be Read, and is the longest running blog series to date on Writing to be Read. It has been a wonderful series, which originated with her Sir Chocolate series characters, and all the creative ways in which she encouraged her own sons to read and enjoy the world of literature. It has now grown into a discussion of children’s books and literature as the series progresses. Now, after six years, Robbie’s bookworms are grown and she is ready to move on with a new series, which I’ll tell you a little about below. But first, let’s celebrate the series by spotlighting all the fabulous banners Robbie has created for the “Growing Bookworms” series over the years with her darling fondant art as we bid “Growing Bookworms” farewell.
Growing Bookworms
(The fondant village is the latest banner. Click to the right for a trip back through time to the first banner with Sir Chocolate and Silly Willy back in 2019.)
Welcome “Robbie Reads and Cooks”
In her new blog series, “Read and Cook”, Robbie plans to share posts containing a book review paired with a recipe. I hope you will join us in welcoming this new and creative blog series for Robbie. I think it will be interesting to see what Robbie’s literary tastes cook up.
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October Release: Midnight Garden
17 authors bring you 21 magnificent dark tales. Stories of magic, monsters and mayhem. Tales of murder and madness which will make your skin crawl. These are the tales that explore your darkest fears. Read them in the Midnight Garden… if you dare.
Contributing authors include Paul Kane, Ell Rodman, DL Mullan, Joseph Carrabis, Roberta Eaton Cheadle, Denise Aparo, Jon Shannon, Zack Elafy, Paul Martz, Robb T. White, Abe Margel, Julie Jones, Molly Ertel, Peter McKay, Kaye Lynne Booth, Danaeka Scrimshaw, and M.J. Mallon, author of the winning story in the 2024 WordCrafter Dark Fiction Contest.
Scheduled for release on October 8th. Don’t miss the WordCrafter Midnight Garden Book Blog Tour October 7 – 14, with guest posts and audio/video readings by contributing authors, and a great giveaway. So be sure to join us in sending this dark fiction anthology off right.
Tales From the Hanging Tree News
There exists a tree that is timeless, spanning across all dimensions, which absorbs every life as those who are hanged as they die… and it remembers every one. The stories within are a select few of the Tales From the Hanging Tree.
September saw the release of Tales From the Hanging Tree: Imprints of Tragedy. We launched it with a great blog tour featuring guest posts or excerpt readings from contributing authors. If you missed it, you can access each stop through the links in the tour schedule below. You can get your copy at your favorite retailer through Books2Read: https://books2read.com/Hanging-Tree
Tour Schedule
Monday Sept. 9 –Writing to be Read– Reading Excerpt by Joseph Carrabis & Guest Sylva Fae
Friday Sept. 13 – Writing to be Read– Reading Excerpt by DL Mullan & Guest Matt Usher
We also had a cool giveaway during the tour. The winners received a free digital copy of Tales From the Hanging Tree: Imprints of Tragedy.
And the winners are…
T.W. Dittmer
Merril D. Smith
C.E. Robinson
We also had promotional posts appear on the Joseph Carrabis blog site, so if you’d like to learn more about the anthology, click on the links below to see those posts.
My guest this month on “Chatting with New Blood” is author Patty L. Fletcher. Her debut novel was Sides of the Order, Book 1 of The Blended Lives Chronicles, which I reviewed back in June of 2024. (You can read my reveiw here.) While I’m writing this, she is busy doing the final edit and proof read on Book 2 of the series, A Battle of Choices. Yep. Patty is in this author thing for the long haul, and she’s got the whole series thing going in full swing. In addition, she is an advocate for those who are visually impaired, like herself and she is active in several organizations which promote inclusion and accessability. Her short fiction has been included in both the Visions and Midnight Roost anthologies from WordCrafter Press, and her poetry was included in Poetry Treasures 3: Passions. She often volunteers as a host for WordCrafter Book Blog Tours, as well, and is always willing to share around WordCrafter and Writing to be Read promotions on her social media channels. She’s here with us today to share some insights into the world of the blind and visually impaired, as well as letting you know about her debut novel.
About Patty Fletcher
Patty L. Fletcher lives in Kingsport Tennessee where she works full time as a Writer with the goal of bridging the great chasm which separates the disAbled from the non-disAbled. She is Also a Social Media Marketing Assistant.
Kaye: I love that your bio gives details about yourself as a person first. You don’t even mention that you are a published author until near the end. So many author bios, including mine, talk about being an author first and throw in the “oh yeah, and I’m a real person with other interests” almost as an afterthought.
Patty: Hello, Kaye and all.
Thanks for having me today.
When I was considering what to put into my media kit, which is where the bio you reference comes from, I gave some thought to what people ask me when we talk about my work. Most of the time, when an interviewer begins asking questions, they talk about who the author is as a person.
When bloggers blog, they also talk about their personal side and people seem to love it. So, to me it only made sense to start that way.
I learn by watching others, doing what they do, then once I’ve a grasp of it all, I add in my own style.
Monkey see monkey do then add in a little of you, is a great thing to remember when entering the writing world.
Kaye: I think this shows a lot about how we define ourselves. I define myself, first and foremost, as an author because writing infiltrates every part of my life. I love to go sit in the forest, watch the birds, smell the flowers, listen to the river flow, and write poetry about them. People I know and relationships I’ve had find their way into my stories. It all come back to the writing. You, on the other hand, define yourself first and foremost by your blindness, which also effects every other part of your life, so it comes first in your bio. So, let’s talk about that aspect of your life.
Kaye: You’ve lived with blindness all your life. What do you feel is the most common misconception about blindness that people hold?
Patty: People tend to say things such as, “Oh, you’re amazing.” Over the slightest things. I have been told it is amazing that I can feed and care for myself, ridiculous things such as the reason I don’t like watching TV is because I cannot see it. That cannot fly, because we have audio description to tell us what’s happening on the screen and even before that was a thing, we blind folk liked TV as much as the next person.
Nope, the reason I don’t watch TV is because that’s chewing gum for the brain. My brain wants substance. Real meat the brain can sink its teeth into. To me, that’s not coming from a TV show about a deputy with a bullet in his pocket.
It’s a great diversion sure, but I’d rather be diverted by a book.
Kaye: I see television is just another form of story telling, because I also do screenwriting, I suppose. But, my grandmother was blind from diabetes, and she used to sit and listen to the television all the time with the rest of the family. In fact, to entertain me, we would pretend to be the characters in my favorite television programs and make up our own stories. But she also listened to talking books, which were around even when I was a kid. Before the written word, people would sit around a fire and listen to the storyteller relate the stories of tribal histories. I think story is a human quality, no matter how we choose consume it. I think it is wonderful that you choose to consume your story through books, and also that you choose to share your own stories in that way.
Kaye: You’re continually active in trying to raise awareness about your disability and there is a huge pool of readers out there with visual impairments. What are some things authors can do to reach that audience?
Patty: The first thing I think people need to understand is that no two blind people process information the same way. Some read braille. This means when they download an eBook they’re downloading it to a braille display. When you write, don’t use a bunch of fancy fonts. Whether a person is visually challenged, totally blind, or has some other print disAbility you’re losing a huge part of your audience right there.
Some blind people, like me for instance, use a screen reader. A screen reader is a software program such as Windows Narrator, which is built into every Microsoft Windows computer which speaks what’s on the screen. So, if you use photos in your digital work, it’s a great idea to include alt text in your photos. This is especially important for the book cover, which is something designed to grab the attention of the buyer. Odds are, if I run on an ad or a blog post which doesn’t include good descriptive text, not something which says, “A photo of the book cover which says, “The Blended Lives Chronicles” That’s not descriptive. I want to know what the cover looks like.
Be descriptive.
Another thing which sends me away without looking further are unlabeled links. If all I hear is “Llink, Link” every time I scroll through a post or website, I’m not looking at it one, more, second than it takes me to close it out. If I don’t know what that link goes to, it’s not getting clicked.
Another thing, even if you don’t plan to release your work as an audio book, take special care with your grammar. When a blind person uses a screen reader with awareness and ability, they can catch a grammar error a mile away and it can also change the way a scene is perceived. Besides, if we’re lucky, the National Library Services for the Blind and Print Disabled program might pick it up and record it for their vast library. Make it reader friendly. Use a program such as the Microsoft Read Allowed feature to listen to your books before you publish. I promise you’ll be glad you did.
Kaye: You have lived a life of service. It seems like you do a lot. Can you tell us about your work with the ADP Performing Arts Committee, Blind Information Technology Specialists, Guide Dog Users Incorporated, and the American Council for the Blind?
Patty: First, a correction the organization is “The American Council Of The Blind” and it is written exactly that way. These things are important because ACB (American Council Of The Blind means the organization is made up and run by blind people. The Word for implies it’s done for us. Not of and by us. Words and Details are so important to the meaning of things aren’t they?
As stated in my bio, I’m just now finding my way with BITS. They’re a special interest affiliate of The American Council Of The Blind focusing on blindness technology. They’re getting ready to offer a class on Microsoft 365 which I use daily. This will help me, and others learn to use it with our screen reader programs, and I cannot wait to take it. I’m certain there are many features within this program I am not aware of. I am sure this will enhance my productivity.
The ADP (Audio Description Project) committee is something I got into about a year or so ago. The committee I’m on focuses on the importance of getting audio description into live theater and national park tours, museums, and the like.
Easy right?
Humph! People aren’t as receptive as you’d believe.
Guide Dog Users Incorporated (GDUI) is another special affiliate of The American Council Of The Blind. Our mission, to raise awareness of guide dogs and advocacy issues.
Two of the biggest things we’re working on are problems with being denied a ride by a rideshare company such as Uber and troubles with needing to prove our dogs are real service animals before we can fly.
One would think in the 21ST century this wouldn’t be a problem, but it is. In fact, thanks to a lot of people abusing the system with their birds, bunnies, and snakes we’ve been pushed back decades.
I’m currently running in the GDUI 2024 election. I hope to be elected as a board of director. This will place me in a position where I can do work with a much more narrowed focus toward advocacy and awareness. Having the power of an entire bord alongside you can surely be effective.
Kaye: Your Blended Lives Chronicles series features a blind protagonist, who has learned to overcome other disabilities as well. What has Laya Moonwalker done to adapt to her afflictions? She even has a trusted guide dog, King, who she has a unique connection with, and she serves on governing boards in her world. How much of Laya Moonwalker is you?
Patty: Let me start with the synopsis of the book.
Lady Laya MoonWalker is a well respected author and magazine owner and a high priestess in the magickal community. After a drawn-out battle with the forces of dark magik, she has come into her own. She lives and works on Planet Korponious, where she is the owner and creator of an Interplanetary Magazine called “Blended Lives Chronicles.” Her mission is to blend the lines of race, creed, and disability that separate so many and to elevate the recognition of the training and ability of Service Animals of all kinds to a new level. She has just been accepted into the Blended Lives Federation and now hopes to continue her work in a way like nothing known to her before.
Laya has created allot of wreckage along the way through her dark journey into the light, and now she wishes to set this to right. She has just received her best break ever. Frank Prince, the CEO of The Blended Lives Learning Center, has invited her to the Celtic New Year Convention and Witches Ball as a reporter to write a story on the progress of The Blended Lives Planetary Federation. She will be their guest speaker at the opening ceremonies.
When Laya arrives at the Celtic Convention, she finds herself face to face with an old and dear friend, Blended Lives Learning Center Instructor and member of the Order of the Night, Derrick Gibbous. As they begin to connect, causing old sparks to reignite, they are tossed into a nasty battle from which not everyone will escape. People are not as they seem, and not everyone supports the side for which they appear to work.
As their love for one another grows, so does the battle. Despite everything, Laya and Derrick are determined to see their work to unite beings of all kinds succeed.
As you can see, Laya walks a lot of paths within her life. Of course, she is a work of fiction, but her battle with mental illness is quite real. That and what she experienced at the hands of her fiancé Jack also came from my own personal experience.
We’re to write what we know so that part is me.
Another thing which comes from my own perspective is the relationship she and King have together. This too comes from my own experience. My guide dog and I are quite bonded, and he needs no human words to let me know what’s what. If people would only pay attention, they would have no problem reading their dog’s thoughts. Maybe it’s a bit dramatized, but it’s also quite real. The trainers mean it when they say, “What you think and feel travels down the leash, and what the dog thinks and feels comes back.”
But for me, it’s more. I can be sitting in the living room not speaking a sound, only thinking to Blue that it’s time to go out or eat and the next thing I know, he’s by my side. Coincidence? No.
Kaye: You have founded and run a couple of different businesses which can be found on your site, Patty’s Worlds: Tell-It-To-The-World Marketing, of which you also host a podcast, and The Writer’s Grapevine Online Magazine. Tell us a little about these two endeavors.
Patty: They are one in the same. Nothing changed about the business I run other than the name and a little restructuring on the pricing.
I’m a content promoter and now I just have people pay a fee for being a sponsoring member of Patty’s Worlds and they receive those services.
Kaye: You also have stories in the Visions and Midnight Roost anthologies, and poetry included in the Poetry Treasures 4 anthology by WordCrafter Press. Can you talk a little about collaborating on an anthology and how that went for you?
Patty: I enjoy collaborating with other writers on such projects. Three things gave me problems when working with a few situations in the production and marketing side.
First, authors need to have a good awareness of what an anthology is and how it gets put together. I once worked with an author who had no idea what was in store when she got the idea. She ended up having to backtrack. There was no contract spelling out who had what right, how royalties would be split, a whole host of things were not dealt with correctly right from the start. Had I not already had some experience with anthologies by that point it could have been a true disaster. Instead, I wrote to her, with some tips and a mock contract and helped her get back on track. The anthology was published, and I made it in.
The second problem I have had when collaborating with authors on anthology projects has been consistency. Again, having all one’s ducks in a row before one begins is absolutely a must.
These things being out of whack for a blind person can make an already daunting job twice as hard. For me at least, I want and need to know exactly what I need to be doing as my part of any project and if those in charge don’t have it together, I’m sunk before I ever begin. That’s more an OCD issue rather than a blindness issue. This makes it extremely hard for someone with a mental health disability.
Finally, I had to deal with working on the marketing end of things with others. Blog tours can be absolutely maddening. I’ve all but stopped participating. I refuse to put a post on my blog without graphic labels (Alt text) in photos, and unlabeled links. I’ve said it at least a jillion time yet when I get into a tour some of the tour stops don’t comply with my wishes and then I’m stuck having to reblog a post somewhere I already know blind readers will not enjoy. So, if you’re out there reading and you’re thinking it might be a great idea to collaborate with me, make sure you’re ready to learn how to jump those hurdles because they’re non-negotiable.
No descriptions or labels, no deal.
Kaye: Please let readers know where they can find you online.
Patty: I’m happy you included me in your interview series. I hope people have a little better understanding of who I am and what I do.
Just in case I left anything out, here’s all my information below. I’ve included links to The American Council Of The Blind, Guide Dog Users Incorporated and BITS.
Please make sure to visit them to gain a better understanding.
Thanks again for reading.
May Harmony find You and Blessid Be.
About Patty L. Fletcher
Updated April 2024.
Patty Fletcher is a single mother with a beautiful daughter, of whom she is enormously proud. She has a great son-in-law and six beautiful grandchildren. From April 2011 through September 2020, she owned and handled a black Labrador from The Seeing Eye® named King Campbell Lee Fletcher A.K.A. Bubba. Sadly, after a long battle with illness on September 24, 2020, King Campbell went to the Rainbow Bridge where all is peace and love. In July 2021, she returned to The Seeing Eye® and was paired with a Black Labrador Golden Retriever cross named Blue.
PATTY’S BLINDNESS…
Patty was born one and a half months premature. Her blindness was caused by her being given too much oxygen in the incubator. She was partially sighted until 1991, at which time she lost her sight due to an infection after cataract surgery and high eye pressure. She used a cane for 31 years before making the change to a guide dog.
WHERE SHE LIVES AND WORKS…
Currently, Patty lives and works in Kingsport, Tenn.
Though she’s not yet found her place there, she is learning things from their informational content.
She’s the creator and owner of Tell-It-To-The-World Marketing (Author, Blogger, Business Assist), The Writer’s Grapevine Online Magazine and the creator and host of the Talk to Tell-It-To-The-World Marketing Podcast, which have recently been reconstructed and can all be found in Patty’s Worlds.
WRITING GOAL…
Patty writes with the goal of bridging the great chasm which separates the disabled from the non-disabled.
It began with an insight. I discovered a huge bank of fantasy within myself: fantasy about women, about meeting THE woman, a mythical anima character whom I summoned with all of my available emotions. I had been holding on to this fantasy for decades. It was the default position of my libido and my romantic longings. “Some day I’ll meet her,” I thought; and I thought and I thought, again and again this vision conquered me. There was nothing I could do but continue hoping. Never mind that I had a long standing partner. That relationship wasn’t meeting what I perceived as my “needs”.
Then, an understanding came: you’re seventy six years old, I told myself. Maybe you’re never going to meet her. Use your future wisely. Maybe your needs aren’t so important as you think.
When I let that thought come into focus, I felt as if a huge bag of cement was pouring from my chest. As it descended into nowhere. I felt grief and sadness, a truly visceral chest-hugging loss. I had depended upon that thought structure to keep me going; it was a motivator. It caused me to flirt endlessly, if futilely, and to keep my gaze swiveling from one woman to the next. I didn’t know how to behave without this internal force, without this lodestar of romantic dreaming.
Okay. Life. Without that fantasy. Whoosh! Begin the emotional tornado.
I have a partner. I’ve been with her for twenty five years. She’s quite disabled, but we do well together. There’s no erotic energy between us. I miss it, but she’s way more important than Eros. We help one another age and survive. I find great justice in the fact that I am a caregiver. In my earlier life I couldn’t even take care of myself. That situation left me homeless, alone and completely isolated.
I’m exploring aspects of my nature that I haven’t understood. It’s strange to encounter parts of myself that remain immature. “Really?” I ask myself. “You’re still thinking that, still DOING that?” It’s easy to hear the formula: grow up! It’s another thing to actually GROW UP and change one’s self. It’s difficult and it has taken guts I didn’t know I had.
Of course, my partner will always let me know when I fuck up.
I still doubt my courage and I pray for more.
I could say that it’s about Change, but It’s really about Connection and my desire to love and be loved more intimately, to forge deeper bonds with the people in my life. I don’t know how much time I have with these people. I don’t know if I can achieve that love with anyone, but I’m starting with myself. If I have any bits of character strength in my nature, they have been acquired through a lot of effort. I’m proud of that effort, proud of that achievement. I am also capable of viewing myself with contempt. There have been times when I have completely fallen apart. I have learned gto live in reasonable balance with my self-destructiveness. I think it takes this kind of polarity to make a rounded person. In other words, if you knew half the shit that goes on inside me, you’d run. But then you would come back and ask me to tell a story.
I admit to living deep inside my narcissistic enclosure. I can’t get out of my own way. At least I know that about myself.
My emotional palette has expanded so that I am feeling new things that I had not previously dreamed of feeling. My former therapist would be ecstatic, as this seems to be a culmination of much of the work we did together. Almost all of this is love-feeling coming through my soul in many textures and colors. It is something like the docking of an immense ocean liner that carries feelings as its cargo. As an artist these feelings resonate so deeply inside me that I am moved into a new sphere of art; music, words, visions, images. My inner life has lit up like a cosmic dawn.
I am immensely grateful for the gift of humanity, empathy and self-knowledge.
I have faith (and that’s what it is. I don’t Know anything) in a Higher Intelligence. I feel a resonance with Sufi poets like Rumi and Kabir and musical mystics like John Coltrane. I am a person who prays. I pray almost constantly. It’s as if I have a God-Hatch in my head and it’s always emitting fiery sparks like a volcano.
I am aware of a human tendency towards self-delusion. Since I am a human being, I, too, am capable of fooling myself in ridiculous style. I hope to free myself from such errors in this life or the next, or the one after that. Or…maybe the one after that. Everything comes in its time. My spirit sits like a melon on the kitchen table, slowly ripening until its moment of maximum sweetness.
Postscript:
One of the most significant changes has been in the diminution of my personal compulsiveness. I’ve long known myself to be a compulsive or addictive personality. I endured severe food compulsions in my teen years and have long struggled with both bulimia and anorexia. In late life this morphed into bed time snacking that could get out of hand. It is with a degree of amazement that I find myself not interested in such activity. I don’t even have the munchies when I’m stoned. My body is changing along with the interior shifting of my thought processes. My tummy fat is disappearing. I’m not unhappy about this. It feeds my vanity, of which I am a proud owner of significant “amor propre” or self regard.
I am amazed. This is healing. I know the source of my addictions to be underlying depression, despair, loneliness and confusion. I’ve been working at THAT my whole life.
I seem to be getting somewhere. It’s about fucking time.
__________________________________________
About the Author
Arthur Rosch is a novelist, musician, photographer and poet. His works are funny, memorable and often compelling. One reviewer said “He’s wicked and feisty, but when he gets you by the guts, he never lets go.” Listeners to his music have compared him to Frank Zappa, Tom Waits, Randy Newman or Mose Allison. These comparisons are flattering but deceptive. Rosch is a stylist, a complete original. His material ranges from sly wit to gripping political commentary.
Arthur was born in the heart of Illinois and grew up in the western suburbs of St. Louis. In his teens he discovered his creative potential while hoping to please a girl. Though she left the scene, Arthur’s creativity stayed behind. In his early twenties he moved to San Francisco and took part in the thriving arts scene. His first literary sale was to Playboy Magazine. The piece went on to receive Playboy’s “Best Story of the Year” award. Arthur also has writing credits in Exquisite Corpse, Shutterbug, eDigital, and Cat Fancy Magazine. He has written five novels, a memoir and a large collection of poetry. His autobiographical novel, Confessions Of An Honest Man won the Honorable Mention award from Writer’s Digest in 2016.
This segment of “Mind Fields” is sponsored by the Roberta Writes blog site, where you can find the poetry, photos, videos, and book reviews by Robbie Cheadleand so much more.
Mind Fields: An Insight Changed My Behavior
Posted: September 27, 2024 | Author: artrosch | Filed under: Commentary, essays, Mind Fields, Relationships, Self-Discovery | Tags: Arthur Rosch, Mind Fields, Relationships, Relection, Self-Discovery, Writing to be Read | 1 CommentIt began with an insight. I discovered a huge bank of fantasy within myself: fantasy about women, about meeting THE woman, a mythical anima character whom I summoned with all of my available emotions. I had been holding on to this fantasy for decades. It was the default position of my libido and my romantic longings. “Some day I’ll meet her,” I thought; and I thought and I thought, again and again this vision conquered me. There was nothing I could do but continue hoping. Never mind that I had a long standing partner. That relationship wasn’t meeting what I perceived as my “needs”.
Then, an understanding came: you’re seventy six years old, I told myself. Maybe you’re never going to meet her. Use your future wisely. Maybe your needs aren’t so important as you think.
When I let that thought come into focus, I felt as if a huge bag of cement was pouring from my chest. As it descended into nowhere. I felt grief and sadness, a truly visceral chest-hugging loss. I had depended upon that thought structure to keep me going; it was a motivator. It caused me to flirt endlessly, if futilely, and to keep my gaze swiveling from one woman to the next. I didn’t know how to behave without this internal force, without this lodestar of romantic dreaming.
Okay. Life. Without that fantasy. Whoosh! Begin the emotional tornado.
I have a partner. I’ve been with her for twenty five years. She’s quite disabled, but we do well together. There’s no erotic energy between us. I miss it, but she’s way more important than Eros. We help one another age and survive. I find great justice in the fact that I am a caregiver. In my earlier life I couldn’t even take care of myself. That situation left me homeless, alone and completely isolated.
I’m exploring aspects of my nature that I haven’t understood. It’s strange to encounter parts of myself that remain immature. “Really?” I ask myself. “You’re still thinking that, still DOING that?” It’s easy to hear the formula: grow up! It’s another thing to actually GROW UP and change one’s self. It’s difficult and it has taken guts I didn’t know I had.
Of course, my partner will always let me know when I fuck up.
I still doubt my courage and I pray for more.
I could say that it’s about Change, but It’s really about Connection and my desire to love and be loved more intimately, to forge deeper bonds with the people in my life. I don’t know how much time I have with these people. I don’t know if I can achieve that love with anyone, but I’m starting with myself. If I have any bits of character strength in my nature, they have been acquired through a lot of effort. I’m proud of that effort, proud of that achievement. I am also capable of viewing myself with contempt. There have been times when I have completely fallen apart. I have learned gto live in reasonable balance with my self-destructiveness. I think it takes this kind of polarity to make a rounded person. In other words, if you knew half the shit that goes on inside me, you’d run. But then you would come back and ask me to tell a story.
I admit to living deep inside my narcissistic enclosure. I can’t get out of my own way. At least I know that about myself.
My emotional palette has expanded so that I am feeling new things that I had not previously dreamed of feeling. My former therapist would be ecstatic, as this seems to be a culmination of much of the work we did together. Almost all of this is love-feeling coming through my soul in many textures and colors. It is something like the docking of an immense ocean liner that carries feelings as its cargo. As an artist these feelings resonate so deeply inside me that I am moved into a new sphere of art; music, words, visions, images. My inner life has lit up like a cosmic dawn.
I am immensely grateful for the gift of humanity, empathy and self-knowledge.
I have faith (and that’s what it is. I don’t Know anything) in a Higher Intelligence. I feel a resonance with Sufi poets like Rumi and Kabir and musical mystics like John Coltrane. I am a person who prays. I pray almost constantly. It’s as if I have a God-Hatch in my head and it’s always emitting fiery sparks like a volcano.
I am aware of a human tendency towards self-delusion. Since I am a human being, I, too, am capable of fooling myself in ridiculous style. I hope to free myself from such errors in this life or the next, or the one after that. Or…maybe the one after that. Everything comes in its time. My spirit sits like a melon on the kitchen table, slowly ripening until its moment of maximum sweetness.
Postscript:
One of the most significant changes has been in the diminution of my personal compulsiveness. I’ve long known myself to be a compulsive or addictive personality. I endured severe food compulsions in my teen years and have long struggled with both bulimia and anorexia. In late life this morphed into bed time snacking that could get out of hand. It is with a degree of amazement that I find myself not interested in such activity. I don’t even have the munchies when I’m stoned. My body is changing along with the interior shifting of my thought processes. My tummy fat is disappearing. I’m not unhappy about this. It feeds my vanity, of which I am a proud owner of significant “amor propre” or self regard.
I am amazed. This is healing. I know the source of my addictions to be underlying depression, despair, loneliness and confusion. I’ve been working at THAT my whole life.
I seem to be getting somewhere. It’s about fucking time.
__________________________________________
About the Author
Arthur Rosch is a novelist, musician, photographer and poet. His works are funny, memorable and often compelling. One reviewer said “He’s wicked and feisty, but when he gets you by the guts, he never lets go.” Listeners to his music have compared him to Frank Zappa, Tom Waits, Randy Newman or Mose Allison. These comparisons are flattering but deceptive. Rosch is a stylist, a complete original. His material ranges from sly wit to gripping political commentary.
Arthur was born in the heart of Illinois and grew up in the western suburbs of St. Louis. In his teens he discovered his creative potential while hoping to please a girl. Though she left the scene, Arthur’s creativity stayed behind. In his early twenties he moved to San Francisco and took part in the thriving arts scene. His first literary sale was to Playboy Magazine. The piece went on to receive Playboy’s “Best Story of the Year” award. Arthur also has writing credits in Exquisite Corpse, Shutterbug, eDigital, and Cat Fancy Magazine. He has written five novels, a memoir and a large collection of poetry. His autobiographical novel, Confessions Of An Honest Man won the Honorable Mention award from Writer’s Digest in 2016.
More of his work can be found at www.artrosch.com
Photos at https://500px.com/p/artsdigiphoto?view=photos
____________________________________________
This segment of “Mind Fields” is sponsored by the Roberta Writes blog site, where you can find the poetry, photos, videos, and book reviews by Robbie Cheadle and so much more.
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