Writer’s Corner: Person & Tense

I recently wrote a short story for the upcoming Legends anthology. I wrote it in third person, present tense to give the tale a sense of immediacy. My beta reader sent back comments, saying that, while the story was a good one, the present tense put her off, as she does not care for stories in present tense. Who would have known?

I had a similar reaction when I first read The Hunger Games, which was written in first person, present tense. It really was a bit off-putting, particularly in the dialog tags when reading aloud. But as I got into the story, I became more accustomed to the style and by the end of the book, I hardly noticed it anymore. First person, present tense is difficult to write, because it must be done well, or it doesn’t work. I’m not that brave.

But, I have been playing around with third person, present tense, which I find a little easier to pull off. I like using present tense because it makes the story feel more immediate, pulling the reader into the story and helping to build suspense. I’ve been using third person, present tense in writing Marta, the third book in my Women in the West Adventure Series, although the first two books were written in third person, past tense. I felt using the present tense in Marta helped to build tension and move the story along.

After the comments from my beta reader, I am wondering if I should rethink that. Readers are put off by different things, and I realize I can’t please all of the people all of the time. But, if this is off-putting to one reader, how many others may feel similarly? If I do change it, that means going back and rewriting the three quarters of the story that is already written, roughly 55,500 words, but if it will turn away readers, perhaps it is worth the effort to go the other way.

So, I’m asking you. Please tell me how you feel about the passage below. Is first person, past tense off-putting to you? Would it be better in third person, past tense?

It’s a passage from chapter one of Marta, just a few paragraphs:

“Excuse me. Is this seat taken?” a man’s voice draws her attention away once more. She turns to see a man, fancily dressed, standing in the aisle and addressing her, indicating the seat next to hers. She had met the infamous Doc Holliday once during his stay in Leadville. This man is like him. She’d seen plenty of his type in Leadville. They dress like a dandy, and come to gamble, but they aren’t particular about how they come by their money and aren’t above working on the other side of the law, and they all carry guns on their hips.

The man is staring at her, expectantly, waiting for a response to his question. He had been polite enough to ask, and the seat wasn’t taken. How could she say no? “No sir, it is not,” she admits. She doesn’t own the train seat and can’t stop him from sitting there, but she doesn’t have to trust him. A woman traveling alone can’t be too careful.

She reaches down by her feet to be sure her carpet bag is still there. Not only does it contain all her money, but also the thirty-two caliber pistol which she purchased in Leadville. Before sitting up straight in her seat once more, she brushes her fingers over the top of her boot to check that her knife is still there, as well. That knife had saved her life with Franz, the dirty traitor, and it gives her comfort to know it was within reach.

He gives her a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes as he slides into the seat. “Why, thank you, Ma’am,” he says. “William Barnesby is the name, but my friends call me Bill.”

She plasters her best smile across her face and says, “I’m Marta Olmstead, and this young woman is Rose… uh… Dunbar, is it?” she says, looking toward the young woman.

“Yes, Ma’am,” she says, nodding her head and quickly averting her eyes from the gentleman, toward the window. Obviously, the man’s presence made Mrs. Dunbar uncomfortable, as well. But what could she do? The seat didn’t belong to her, and Mr. Barnesby had purchased a ticket just like everyone else on the train.

About Kaye Lynne Booth

Author Kaye Lynne Booth

For Kaye Lynne Booth, writing is a passion. Kaye Lynne is an author with published short fiction and poetry, both online and in print, including her short story collection, Last Call and Other Short Fiction; and her paranormal mystery novella, Hidden Secrets; Books 1 & 2 of her Women in the West adventure series, Delilah and Sarah, and Book 1 in her Time-Travel Adventure series, The Rock Star & The Outlaw, as well as her poetry collection, Small Wonders.

Kaye holds a dual M.F.A. degree in Creative Writing with emphasis in genre fiction and screenwriting, and an M.A. in publishing. Kaye Lynne is the founder of WordCrafter Quality Writing & Author Services and WordCrafter Press, where she edits and publishes two short fiction anthologies and one poetry anthology every year amidst her many writing projects. She also maintains an authors’ blog and website, Writing to be Read, where she publishes content of interest in the literary world.

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Craft and Practice with Jeff Bowles – Narrators of a Different Color

Craft and Practice

Each month, writer Jeff Bowles offers practical tips for improving, sharpening, and selling your writing. Welcome to your monthly discussion on Craft and Practice.

There’s an entire school of thought behind the use of standard third-person perspective in narrative fiction. Often enough, beginning writers are encouraged to see it as their go-to, which isn’t horrible advice. Let’s do a quick POV lesson, in case your memory is hazy.

First-person: I walked to the lake.

Second-person: You walked to the lake.

Third-Person: He walked to the lake.

Conventional wisdom says most readers stomach lucky number three best. I think that might be a load of hogwash, but let’s assume it’s 100% correct. What would be the benefit of writing fiction—or creative nonfiction, for that matter—from a quote, unquote “nontraditional” perspective? Your own edification, right? And maybe something else.

Third-person is the norm because it provides helpful breathing room between us and our readers. It’s easy to tell a story this way, natural. We’re used to it, having read it a million times before. By the same token, I have noticed it’s become increasingly more common for storytellers to dabble in other modes. First or second-person, past or present tense, limited omniscience or full-blown mind-of-God territory. First-person present tense, by the way, is notoriously apt to cause chaos.

“I write on the blog post for a bit, and then I check my email. It occurs to me I’ve never met a sultan of Saudi Arabia, so it’s possible these diet pills are phony. Oh well. I chuck them in the trash and head outside to clear my mind. It smells like a forest fire out here. Hey, what gives?”

This is stream of consciousness stuff, easy to write but difficult and unwieldy to beat into proper shape. All the verbiage points to me, me, me, now, now, now. It can get same-same after a while, difficult to chew through. Not always, but often enough.

I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume your new forest fire/phony diet pill story is perfectly well written, thank you very much. You did the job, tale told effectively, end of discussion. In that case, one crucial question comes to mind. Is your narrator any fun to read?

What do you mean, what do I mean? What’s a fun narrator supposed to sound like? Well, I guess they can be any of the following: idiosyncratic, faulty, confident, psychotic, mentally sound, likable, unlikable, funny, unfunny, jaded, naïve, a super focal lens, an individual with something to say, a personality worth delving into.

Maybe you’ve never considered it this way, but in my humble estimation, narration of this kind is a blank check. Most things worth achieving sound unlikely at first. Think of it like speed dating. You known instantly upon sitting across from someone whether or not you’d enjoy their company. Is your speed-dater worth engaging in conversation? Are they fun to listen to?

Gut check time. How well do you write dialogue? I only ask because I’ve realized throughout the years not everyone is as keen on it as I am. Sharp and amusing with zero fat left to trim, that’s my favorite kind. But what’s yours? Informative but not dull? Wacky and a bit irredeemable? More importantly, do you think you could extend a few lines of it to encompass an entire story? I’m willing to bet you can.

The simple truth is most writers create bland characters by default. Not you, of course. Perish the thought. Mentors and teachers might encourage us to pre-fill character sheets or go to public places and write down snatches of conversation we hear. I’m not saying that’s bad advice, but I can confidently tell you it’s more efficient and effective to let characters tell us who they are rather than to impose our sizable wills upon them. Don’t bloat yourself up with too much preparation. On the fly, hit the page and let your creations speak to you. A little honest individuality is enough to distinguish your work from the work of others, and that’s a good thing.

Rule makers have tried to enter this arena, but I don’t think they’ve done a great job setting any concrete prescriptive measures. Is addressing your reader directly breaking the fourth wall? No, not really. If you think about it, first-person narration divorced from context is unnatural anyway. It was much more common in centuries past for authors to speak to their readers through narration. As we discussed earlier, stability is easy to achieve by providing a little breathing room. This is a blank check, remember? Anything and everything is achievable, provided you’ve got the skills to stick the landing. That’s the thing about experts. If they tell you something can be done, they’re most certainly right. If they tell you it can’t, they’re most certainly wrong.

Style remains essential in this domain. My final advice is this: If you’re currently working on something you’ve written in first-person, try playing with your style a little, write it like you’d write some nice extended dialogue, just as far as you’re comfortable, nothing too crazy—unless you like crazy. You might just surprise yourself. Scratch that. Your narrator might surprise you.

Don’t be stiff or formal. Get into the nitty gritty and pour a serious helping of personality gravy on those otherwise boring and bland mashed ‘taters.

On that note…

See you next time, everyone. Have an awesome May, will you?


Jeff Bowles is a science fiction and horror writer from the mountains of Colorado. The best of his outrageous and imaginative work can be found in God’s Body: Book One – The Fall, Godling and Other Paint Stories, Fear and Loathing in Las Cruces, and Brave New Multiverse. He has published work in magazines and anthologies like PodCastle, Tales from the Canyons of the Damned, the Threepenny Review, and Dark Moon Digest. Jeff earned his Master of Fine Arts degree in creative writing at Western State Colorado University. He currently lives in the high-altitude Pikes Peak region, where he dreams strange dreams and spends far too much time under the stars. Jeff’s new novel, Love/Madness/Demon, is available on Amazon now!

Love Madness Demon Cover Final

Check out Jeff Bowles Central on YouTube – Movies – Video Games – Music – So Much More!


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