LINDSEY’S WRITING PRACTICE: Getting Down to Concrete

(Concrete Diction Exercise )

Dr. Lindsey Martin-Bowen 

Hello to all budding—and extremely experienced—writers out there in Cyberworld. In my three-plus decades of teaching literature and writing (all levels/all sorts), I’ve used the following exercise at the onset of each semester for nearly all writing classes—from beginners to published writers, and it’s even been a hit at faculty conferences where writing teachers have enjoyed performing the exercise—then later sharing it with students. Thus, have fun. (I had so much fun with it, I set up a second set of vague sentences to be revised with concrete diction (by writing at least two sensual descriptions in each one). I’ll share that one sometime in the future. But for now, Enjoy!

Getting down to the Concrete

(Concrete Diction Exercise 1)

Vagueness and generalities are the writer’s worst enemies. Thus, as writers, we must become “camcorders” to recreate visual, auditory, and tactile descriptions. Such descriptions are “concrete details.” Please rewrite each of the following sentences by using as many concrete details as possible. Use sensory descriptions including details. Doing this will cause the reader to see, hear, feel, taste,  or smell what you have recounted.

Here are hints about the first one: 

1. She was happy because of the good grade on her exam. Note the vague (or equivocating) language with “happy” and “good.” I mean, really—did she smile quietly at a desk or jump up and down or turn cartwheels down the hallway? And what was the grade? What sort of exam? 

2. The people in line for registration looked bored and tired. 
3. The foreman was obviously upset. 
4. The appliance made a funny noise. 
5. The room was an incredible mess when she finished her project. 
6. The attendant’s coat was worn and dirty. 
7. The old car was badly battered. 
8. The secretary looked sick. 
9. The spectators were very excited after the winning touchdown. 
10. The players on the losing team were very discouraged when they came from the locker room. 

It can be fun to see what others came up with, as no one will come up with the same sentence as someone else. How concrete can you be? Feel free to share your results in the comments.

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About Lindsey Martin-Bowen

On Halloween 2023, redbat books released Lindsey Martin-Bowen’s 7th poetry collection, CASHING CHECKS with Jim Morrison. Her 4^th collection, Where Water Meets the Rock, was nominated for a Pulitzer; her 3rd, CROSSING KANSAS with Jim Morrison was a finalist in the QuillsEdge Press 2015-2016 Contest. In 2017, it won the Kansas Writers Assn award, “Looks Like a Million.” Writer’s Digest gave her “Vegetable Linguistics” an Honorable Mention in its 85th Annual (2017) Contest. Her Inside Virgil’s Garage (Chatter House Press 2013) was a runner-up in the 2015 Nelson Poetry Book Award. McClatchy Newspapers named her Standing on the Edge of the World (Woodley Press/Washburn University) one of the Ten Top Poetry Books of 2008. It was nominated for a Pen Award.

Her poems have run in numerous lit mags, including New Letters, I-70 Review, Thorny Locust, Coal City Review, Silver Birch Press, Flint Hills Review, The Same, Phantom Drift, Porter Gulch Review, Rockhurst Review, 21 anthologies. She taught lit & writing at UMKC & MCC 25 years, and taught law for Blue Mountain College in Pendleton, Oregon. She holds an MA from the U of Mo. and a JD degree from the UMKC Law School. Previously,  she was reporter for The Louisville Times and The SUN Newspapers, an associate editor for Modern Jeweler Magazine and the editor for The National Paralegal Reporter.

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This segment of “Lindsey’s Writing Practice” with Lindsey Martin-Bowen is sponsored by The Women in the West Adventure Series and WordCrafter Press.

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